Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Adventures of the Smith Family Part 3

 Even though Charlie and I have always enjoyed playing in a campaign by K.I., something that we had exploited before was coming to the limelight yet again. K.I. was not prepared for our direction we decided to go. One of the things that Charlie and I are known for is to take the carefully crafted mold of a campaign, something that one of our friends had created meticulously with great care and enjoyment, and shit all over it.

 You have a flashing sign pointing to the strategically placed plot point before us. I believe there's a hooker on the corner to the side, right? OK, I'm going to kill the captain of the guard, fuck his daughter and head to the ocean.

Yep, totally happened just like that.

 As we began the trek completely away from where K.I. was wanting us to venture, Charlie and I along with a few others began to formulate the plan for the retribution to be brought to the previous town. As we began our backwards trek, it was truly impressive how many battles we could find with the kobolds, goblins, vagabonds, and hookers along the way. OK, so maybe the hookers weren't such a battle for some of us.

Ewe know you want it.

 The rampant fornication was soon complete, though I think Biggboy was going to spend a little more time with the donkey we found at the animal hostel: Cuatro Pezuñas - Dos Aqujeros. Now that I think about it, I think that K.I. told us it was a farm and too much alcohol for Bigg's half-orc, but hey, who's keeping track of that stuff. Again, we set forth on what would be later called, "The amazing, and erotic march of the Smith Clan." OK, so I added the erotic, I can't help it I was feeling sexy that day.

I'm sexy and I know it.

I know, I'm a pretty, pretty princess. 

Arriving on the outskirts of the nondescript town, wait had K.I. told us the name of the town? Harn? Holn? Hayn? Fuck it, it is now called Hackney. As we began to walk into the grand village of Hackney, I was amazed on how fortuitous it was for the village to somehow quadrupled the size of their guard and already hired a new sheriff. We quickly realized he somehow had the precognition to realize that this random group of adventurers that had returned after a few days of travel, had somehow murdered the former sheriff.

 Now you can imagine our surprise that all of the sudden, the entirety of the village was pointing anything sharp and pointy at us. Even though the general approach for our group in this kind of situation was our tried and true version of diplomacy, I decided we should streamline this process. Looking at the sheriff, I let him know what was going to happen.

  I know you are concerned for the health of your village, but please believe that we are not the vagabonds that you perceive us to be. Though there was battle days before that led to the untimely death of members of your community, you must realize that we want to cease all the hostilities and calm the fears of Greater Hackney.

As I fed the bull shit to the unsuspecting village, Charlie and the others quickly began to dispatch the guards surrounding the group as the were entranced by my speech. Once it was apparent that those with the most experience fighting were quickly dispatched, the newly minted sheriff bravely did his next best option. He shit his pants as he was struck down. Now K.I. paused our fun stating for the alignment change of all of the players involved. We quickly disagreed, since the people had attacked us before and the fact our family was threatened. We did not kill those that were unarmed or innocent, merely those who raised weapons against us. I'm not really sure how, but we were able to talk K.I. out of changing us to the maniacal alignments we should have had.

Fuck the Dragon. Loot the Girl. Kill the Treasure.

More later.


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