Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Adventures of the Smith Family Part 2

Part One

 As we began to discuss what to do with the body of our late family member, Charlie and I began to maneuver the caravan to further our needs. It was becoming clearer the further we went that Charlie and I were becoming more and more volatile. Though we were known as the 'assholes' of our group of friends, once alcohol was brought in, all bets were off.

 As K.I. once again tried to lead our clan closer to his plot devices, I decided it was time to add something to the campaign. What can I say, I got bored. As K.I. brought up yet another hint, Biggboy seemed to agree with my sentiment of needing to be entertained, it might have helped that I was handing him screwdriver after screwdriver.

"Fuck this shit" Biggboy announced before he swung his sword into the neck of the caravan leader. Now as the battle began to escalate, I moved throughout, stabbing and casting while looting where possible.

Hell yeah. Rape the Treasure. Kill the Girl. Loot the Dragon.

 Charlie nodded his approval as I recited our family motto. Turning, Charlie brought swift vengeance upon the caravan workers. Though their efforts were valiant (i.e. begging for their lives), we cut a swath through them.
 That's right. A fucking swath.

 Once our wholesale murdering was complete, we moved into the wreckage to search for items of value. Somehow a truly amazing thing happened. Somehow, someway, a full posse arrived on the scene along with the captain of the guard. It truly was amazing that we realized how quickly we could piss off our DM. I have to give K.I. props. One of the hardest things for our group of friends is to lead a group with Charlie, Biggboy, or myself, but when you have the three of us together along with alcohol, you are truly a glutton for punishment.

I swear to God, it was not me that fucked the donkey, it was him!

 Biggboy stared at me as my finger was pointing accusingly at him. While K.I. was momentarily distracted, Charlie roared his battle cry, 'EAT A DICK!' Not to be outdone, I joined in the battle of voice and volume.

Pointing once again at Biggboy, I bellowed, He fucks Donkeys!

Rape the Donkey. Kill the Treasure. Loot the Girl.

Fuck Yeah.

With yet another successful surprise attack against K.I.'s floundering attempt on returning his campaign under his control. Sorry bitch, you just got jacked.

Pow! Right in the kisser!

 As the proverbial dust cleared, more bodies lay at the feet of the Smith Family. 

A decent homage to our family. But there is a problem my brethren. The leader of this nondescript town has wrought the wrath of our clan upon his head.

 Charlie leaned over to me, "Why the fuck are you trying to be some politician?! Let's just kill the fucker and take over the town."

Right on. Rape the Girl. Fuck the Dragon. Loot the Treasure.

Pausing, Charlie looked at me for a moment.

 "That's a whole lot of fucking."

Just like many times before I gave Charlie a blank stare. Your point?

Shrugging, Charlie nodded to me, "Point made."

Fuck Yeah.

More later.

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