Saturday, June 7, 2014

If You're Going to be Evil Part 7

As we awaited for whatever the dice roll was for, Charlie and I looked back and forth between Baby Momma and Little Boy to try and discover exactly what was in the note. We waited with baited breath, curious if either of them had pulled the double deal on us or not. It became clear quickly that he was fucking with us, by the glances our direction with each second he let pass. As he kept mumbling, Charlie leaned over to me.

 "You think this is legit, or is he going to fuck us?"

 I don't know what you have planned for tonight, but I am hoping not.

Rolling his eyes at my bad pun, Charlie and I looked back at Little Boy as he addressed Baby Momma.

 "Baby Momma, there is movement to the south past the tree line."

Nodding, Baby Momma licked her lips as she plotted her next move.

 "I'm going to pull my knife move that direction to see what I might be able to find. What can I sense?"

"There's definitely something there, it appears to be roughly the size of a man. You can also smell lavender in the air and hear only the rustling of the trees."

 "Okay, I'm going to move closer, adjusting near Neverwas, so that I can wake if needed."

"Roll me a d20."

 Mumbling to herself, Baby Momma rolled a 19. "Got a 19, that good enough?"

 Little Boy smirked as he began rolling a complex pattern of dice in a varied pattern for the discovery of a new quadratic equation or some such bullshit. The surprising thing was the covering of his final die cast as he glanced toward Neverwas. "Neverwas, high or low?"

 Neverwas quickly began cussing, fussing at his misbegotten 'follower' for not waking the supposed leader of the group. "What the fuck, why didn't you wake me up I could have taken care of-"

 "High or low mother fucker? You don't have time to bitch at her. Call it. High. Or. Low?"

 It truly was enjoyable to see Neverwas suprised and blankly looking at Little Boy trying to come up with something to say or do to stop what he thought was a horrible mishap.

Let us stop this incessant douchebaggery!

 Shaking his head, Neverwas proclaimed "Low, dammit. Low." Once again we waited with baited breath for Little Boy to reveal his "amazing" action. With a flourish, Little Boy removed his hand revealing a 78. I looked at Charlie and smirked as he called out "The fuck does that mean?"

 Now it was Little Boy's turn. "Neverwas, you're going to take 16 damage to the throat as Baby Momma trips and plunges her dagger into you. Make me a Fort save."

"Oops, my bad."

 Neverwas tossed his D20 onto the table in disbelief that such an "accident" could happen to his character. As we watched it tumble, I couldn't help but give a mumbled prayer. 

One, you three toed whore-son! Give him a one!

 As the D20 came to a rest, after rebounding off of Biggboy's screwdriver, it stopped in front of Charlie and myself. Before Neverwas could grab the die, I couldn't help but exclaim.

A one! Jesus tap-dancing Christ! 

 "No it wasn't," Neverwas tried to protest. But it was too late. The rest of the table looked at him and agreed, "Yes it fucking was."

 Before he could react, Baby Momma exclaimed, "We're under attack! Neverwas was hit!" As one, the party rose to defend against the attack, conveniently forgetting about Neverwas' plight. Over the next 20 minutes, everyone in our party scoured the area, but could never find the perpetrators of the vicious attack.

 As we moved back to the campsite, we came across the body of our "illustrious" leader. As each of us mourned in our own ways (looted his corpse), we decided to venture from this hazardous area. Hours later we finally arrived on the outskirts of the city. Luckily we arrived at dawn, allowing for the shops to be open.

 As Little Boy described the city of Harn to us, we could tell that something was different. Call it sixth sense, indigestion, or a mild case of the chubby. In either case, our danger sense was tingling. 

"Oh god, someone's about to get maimed."

 As we came up to the city gates, it became more clear that we were about to get set up for a hell of a fall. 

More later.


Tuesday, June 3, 2014

If You're Going to be Evil Pt. 6

As I moved toward the deputy, I realized that this was going to go one of two ways. Either I was going to make the officer laugh and leave, or I was going to jail. You might wonder how it could be between these two options, but I have a certain flair that will raise your spirits or be considered verbal assault. Looking to the side, I internally cussed as yet again Neverwas stepped back to the others, and I was left to myself to see who was being arrested. Thinking back through the people that were with us, I expected Little Boy or possibly myself or Charlie. It was amazing that I couldn't even see Thief 1 & 2. It seemed they pulled their first passable Houdini escape in their lives. I looked back at Baby Momma cursing under my breath, though she has a dynamite ass, she left me to myself on this one.

Hmm...I'll get her back for that one eventually.

 Moving up, I gave a soft breath out as I noticed Tiger waving at me through the windshield. Luckily I was on his good side and wasn't worried about something going pear-shaped quickly. As I moved around to the driver's side, Charlie came out to join us as Tiger and I struck a conversation. Understandably, being in Small Town USA, he saw multiple people on the street side at 2:00 AM wondering what the hell was going on. After assuring Tiger that there was no drugs being done currently (well, couldn't see where Biggboy had moved off to), the worst we could have been doing was loitering. As the group finished smoking, we began to move back inside after wishing Tiger well for the rest of his shift.


As Charlie sat down beside me, I leaned over to let him know where our options stood.

 Okay, we can gank the pig-fucker, do you think he'd care if I called him a pig-fucker? Well, I don't care if he cares if I call him a pig fucker. So anyway, we can gank the pig-fucker, or let the plan follow through.

 "Well, we can't just gank him in his sleep. He doesn't trust us for that."

 That's why we get Baby Momma to do it.

 "You think she's up for it?"

 Oh yeah. She wants her first PK.

 "Then Baby Momma it is."

 Slowly we began to pass the word throughout the group of what the plan was. I'm pretty sure we went from at one point killing Neverwas 12th character, to mass murder of one of the clergy of Hextor.

 As the watch assignments were divvied out, Charlie kept a watch on Baby Momma as she kept writing. He knew that whatever she was writing would either be amazingly epic, or she had developed Hypergraphia. Knowing he would need to give her a few minutes, Charlie began asking asinine questions to keep Little Boy from progressing through the watches too quickly. Once again, Charlie was able to bring forth a level of bullshit that momentarily stunned the others into confusion. I wanted to take a picture.

Like this, but with more bullshit.

 Now, even though Charlie's discussion was about tribal fertility issues or some such bullshit, I knew that I could not allow him to have all the fun. It truly does us good to be able to distract one of the others so well that they forget their initial plans. Before Charlie could get more in depth with his questioning, I had to make sure we knew about the local grazing patterns of the three horned antelope. Once Little Boy took the bait, I began to argue the validity of the questioning about a fanciful creature inside of a fanciful game (Fanciception).
Progressing through a full gambit of horseshit questions, we finally reached third watch. As Little Boy planned to have the watches end quickly, he paused when Baby Momma handed him a 'ninja' note. As he read, then re-read the note, I couldn't help but smirk when I heard him laugh at what was in the note. 

 "You sure you want to do this?"

 She nodded. 

Here we go.

More later