As the opening was cleared, Charlie and I waited as Pony Tail decided to move forward, without checking for more traps. You see, there is something that I learned quickly when playing in campaigns from both Charlie and a few of our other friends, and things that I have done myself to players in my own, always check for traps beyond the door you just opened. I waited with baited breath as our miraculous thief went forward glancing around offhandedly asking for what he finds.
As Little Boy begins to describe a closed in room with 4 walls like it is Salma Hayek's personal room and he has been invited in for a tryst.
Seriously, I would until your dick got sore...
As yet another Hayek fantasy rampaged through my mind (daily occurrence), I was brought out of my musings when Little Boy began to describe all the different porcelain dolls located in the room. I glanced at Charlie during the description and noticed his spaced look, Salma dream also? Clearing my head of my Latin muse, I brought Charlie back to the present by a nudge and whisper.
I swear to god, not only has he not checked for any traps or anything hidden, he is naming the fucking dolls.....
Charlie shook his head as we both began to listen again trying to see what cuckoo pants, a.k.a. Pony Tail, was doing now.
"The red head one will be Alice, and that one beside her, that is Alejandro, her gardener that softens her heart and sweeps her off her feet."
Great, we went from D&D to a fucking Lifetime movie...
Pony Tail began to move each of the dolls after naming them and setting them down as though the dolls would shit coins. As Charlie and I sat there wondering what the fuck his 'plan' was for this, Biggboy came back from smoking and began to listen. After 30 seconds, Biggboy began to look back and forth between everyone else in the party and even the DM trying to understand what the hell was going on. Leaning over to Charlie, Biggboy began to whisper animatedly before looking up at Little Boy.
"Fuck this shit, I have people to kill."
With that, Biggboy began the the very satisfying job of smashing every single doll in the room. As we began to progress into the pathways, the entire group was getting more annoyed with Pony Tail as he kept missing trap after trap and walking past hidden entrances. As I brought up the rear, I would discreetly loot the left overs from the traps, be them sprung or not. Charlie it would seem was getting annoyed with using all of his healing spells on the shitty thief we brought with us and exhausted all but one of his healing potions. Then it all came to a head when a sound of metal snapping was heard in the tunnel.
Turning back to us, showing the ill-fated dagger, Charlie understandably got upset, or as I like to call it, 'lost his shit'. After using Pony Tail's face as a door knocker, Charlie moved forward to open the door. I still don't know what possessed him to do so, with everything that had been missed by the thief, you would have thought Charlie would have waited behind a wall or another person before stepping forward until he was sure that no more traps had been left. But as he moved forward, a blast rocked the area as we noticed that Charlie went from being able to give a high five to a high three. It was then, that the switch in Charlie flipped.
I looked at Pony Tail and let him know my thoughts about his life expectancy.
Yep, you're fucked.
As his eyes widened in realization, Pony Tail tried to stop Charlie before he was bear hugged. Unfortunately, for some reason, Charlie was ready with improved grapple. Why? Good question. Charlie likes to be prepared for whatever. After unceremoniously picking up the thief, Charlie launched Pony Tail into the next door which activated a trap. Once his unconscious body fell to the ground, I thought it was time for some of my own fun and began to help with lobbing the body in our own version of a midget toss.
Just call me Gary Foster
After the first few throws, Charlie and I began to compare distance and competed in our first thief toss, I won. Unfortunately, our fun had to come to an end with a certain door and a certain acid trap.
Great. where are we going to find another thief?
At this point, Neverwas spoke up with his 10th character, "You need a thief?"
Charlie and I looked at one another and thanked the heavens for round two.