Friday, April 25, 2014

The adventures of the Smith Family

 One night, while trying to decide who should be the instigator for this round of debauchery and lawlessness, or as my wife likes to call it D&D night, Kid Icarus decided in all of his glorious wisdom that he wanted to run a Gestalt campaign.  Now the interesting thing for this was that none of our group had played a gestalt character before. Sure, Charlie had read about them and brought them to my attention (though I enjoy D&D immensely, I have always been more of a Masquerade player)

(Bitch! I'm fabulous!)

 As the long process began of choosing which classes I wanted, I decided to make a gestalt version of a Spell Thief. As one, everyone at the table moved into what is universally considered the most difficult part of character creation for our group, naming the PC. While generally I can pull a name out of my ass with little problem, for some reason it was proving more difficult. As Charlie and I were discussing what we should name our characters, we decided that our characters would be brothers, the Smith brothers.

 Now, even though this is not the most intimidating surname that has been created, nor the most creative, somehow this one notion struck the rest of our name challenged group and we all became members of the Smiths. As Kid Icarus was finalizing his thoughts for what we would face, Charlie and I began to delve into the Smith family history to find our family motto. Even though the campaign had begun, it took us nearly 30 minutes to decide on what it would be.

Kill the Dragon. Loot the Treasure. Fuck the Girl. (What made this more entertaining was the fact we had heterosexual women joining us for this adventure.)

Moving forward, we began looking for what kind of adventure would be of interest for such a distinguished (can't you tell by our motto?) clan. While navigating the village we were currently in, I randomly, and by randomly I mean being nearly yelled at by K.I. to tell me where to go, moved to the message board beside the inn's entrance.

I believe I will move forward to the slightly obscure plot point and search for an adventure.

 K.I. sighed as he began to describe the job board located by the inn. Without looking I grabbed the first one and walked back to the family.

 "You don't even know what it says," K.I. said incredulously.

Come on now, the Smiths will take care of whatever it would be.

 Charlie smirked as my character went to clean the stables behind the inn (I placed it on family honor that we could complete whatever the task was). After that was completed, we moved quickly to the town hall to talk to some merchants that had been looking for some bodyguards for their next expedition. When asked how we would handle danger, Charlie began to tell them our motto.

"Kill the Girl. Loot the Treasure. Fuck the Dragon."


 I shrugged as we began moving through the village to the outskirts and into the surrounding forest. As midday peaked in the sky, I began finding things of interest during the travels. As I began to peruse the other guards' pockets, a battle cry from the front of the caravan let me know that Charlie was about to battle something.

"Eat a DICK!" Charlie eloquently roared.

Moving swiftly forward, I began casting spells and sneaking around the battlefield to gain better angles on our opponents.

 Well shit, it's a bunch of kobolds....

Truly the face of death and calamity

 As I shook my head at the thought of such lowly enemies for our family, three of the kobolds took down Thief 1. As I yelled, I charged forward, blade drawn. Throughout the scuffle, I cast spell after spell moving forward with my blades to bringing swift retribution to the murderers of our cousin. Once the battle was over, the caravan leader began to apologize to us as we gathered around the fallen body of our family member. Before K.I. could begin his pandering apology, we began to loot the body.

 "Wait," K.I. began, "you're looting his body? I thought he was family?"

He was, now he's dead. Turns out that asshole won't need the money where he is.

 Looking at Charlie we began to repeat the family motto in unison.

Kill the Treasure. Rape the Dragon. Loot the Girl.

 Oh yeah, this adventure would be fun.

No comments:

Post a Comment